Who am I if I don’t have the weight

I heard Brooke coach someone who was using her weight to feel in control (if I lose the weight then he would want me), and it really struck a cord but I’m having trouble finding the next step. I feel if I lose the weight I will have the life I’ve always wanted (clean house, lots of friends, fun sunshine personality) and I know losing weight won’t bring those things intellectually. But if it’s not the weight, then why can’t I be the person I want to be? What’s the step after this?