Who do you want to be around your mother?

I think a lot of bad thoughts about my mother – she is such a victim, she is manipulative, I can’t stand her, she is wasting her life on worry, I’m sorry for her etc- and as a result I don’t want to spend time with her.
I’m working on these thoughts, but I get into trouble when answering the question who I want to be with her.
Do I answer supposing that she is all of the terrible things I think she is? Then the answer is: I want to be distant.
Or do I answer the question supposing that I get to a point where I can successfully belief that she is a 70 year old woman doing the best she can? Then the answer is I want to go on holidays with her.