Wholesome grief v. sneaky self-pity?

Hi Brooke
I want to share an insight I had, observing my lower brain trying to fool me into staying safe. I joined SCS to stay on track with changes I’m making in my (established) graphic design business and to start to take myself seriously as a writer. Alongside this exciting/challenging work, I’m also dealing with grief over my mother, who passed away 6 months ago. The daily homework has helped me keep a clear head about what’s going on for me so I’ve gained a lot of traction in both the graphic art and the writing and have taken the time I need to grieve.

Yesterday evening I felt sad about my Mum and I welcomed that as it felt like the right choice for me in that moment. I’m not sure if this is related but earlier that day I made the commitment to dedicate Tuesdays to my own artwork only and not do any client work. This is a big change for me as I’ve been overly client-focused for years, and used to believe I should be available for them at all times. (I cleared this up in a very insightful 10min session with Janet, who is amazing btw). Later, I woke in the night feeling what I thought was sadness about my Mum, but my brain went immediately to “There’s no point in doing your drawing. It’s all totally pointless. Mum died. Why bother with anything?”. At the time I didn’t see this as a thought error, but totally believed it. As you can imagine, I woke up feeling a bit battered. I walked to work and listened to podcast 189 about the Balance of Feelings and thought about the silver platter. It clarified for me that I actively choose grief when it comes up but that is entirely separate from my ambitions for myself and my business. It’s such a relief not to get caught up in a tangled thought drama! My resolve returned and I’m back on track now but if you have any insights or observations, I’m all ears …

Thanks Brooke! SCS is the best.