^Whoosh – feeling good! Apathy notwithstanding

hi Brooke

I’ve been a bit off the map while I’m in hospital, but daily work continues. But I’ve slept poorly this past week, since they took me off opiate painkillers and frankly this has not been good for my pain, mood or resilience. I’ve been disappointed in myself.

Finally last night I got some sleep and I woke up feeling wildly grateful to be alive, to be me, exactly as I am. I felt spontaneously good enough. Sufficient. It was… unexpected! I realised I’ve been pretty grumbly but nonetheless internalising all my models and secretly moving forwards the whole time. Now it has blossomed. It’s some crazy stuff, this work!
I don’t know how you’ve nailed this, but I’m very grateful

In addition, the Apathy podcast: I’ve been very apathetic (in hospital particularly) and it makes me very cross that i cant model my way out of it. However when I started to see Apathy as Neglect, the whole thing made sense and I kicked back in to gear again. I have a hard time allowing myself to thrive. I have been modelling on that.
C: apathy
T: I just cant seem to motivate myself
F: apathetic, lazy, uncaring, resigned, victim
A: none/buffer
R: get little done and stagnate

T: Iā€™m finding ways to support myself to grow
F: positive, upbeat, happy
A: Ask my brain how to support myself and do what it says
R: get motivated and move forward

that sound about right to you?