Why did I DO that?

So, I did the tedious powerful worksheet and stopped eating the gelato.

I put it beside me and continued on with my reading.

I started having uncomfortable feelings, and I picked up that half melted gelato and polished off the entire rest of the pint- totally mindlessly.

I just wanted to completely numb myself out. I didn’t want to eat it consciously. I wasn’t even hungry at all.

Even as I was doing the tedious powerful worksheet, I noticed that I just want to devour this disgusting piece of pizza. I didn’t even like the pizza; I just wanted to disappear into it. That’s exactly how I feel – I want to disappear into the food.

Why do I keep doing this? I don’t think I even enjoy most of the garbage food I eat; I just want to disappear into it.