why not me 2.0

Hey coach, thanks for taking the time to answer me.

So I wrote the last question down “are you ready to let go of the expectations of your friends?” and this is what my brain offered:

Yes, but there is that thought of telling me that they love other friends more and I don’t have have space in their lives and if I do only like not such an important role. I will never be important enough and the special friend and I will never be the special cool friend someone wants to hang out with. That you miss and love so much. I will never be enough. Even with all the presents, surprises, loving texts and supports. I will never be the friend number one to hang out with.

So many ugly thoughts can u believe that?

Just briefly I imagined how everyone thinks I’m this really special cool person who is doing her own thing and everyone loves to be around.

I could become that person in my thoughts and act like this person. and that person doesn’t think all the above.
she does her own thing
loves on people no matter what
doesn’t waste time thinking these ugly thoughts.
she asks people to do things, and meet, and play games and doesn’t feel guilty or not appreciated. she just does it and loves herself for it. she enjoys the company. and thinks she is so cool and adventerous and active.
she doesn’t feel little and pity for herself. she looks at her friends hanging out with other friends and thinks, so beautiful that they are friends and doesn’t indulge in self doubt or self hate, jealousy etc.
she’s strong.
she loves to be around people
she’s not dependent on other peoples behaviour. and even if she’s not the number one person in another friends life thats okay, because it doesn’t matter to her. all that matters is to love on her friends. and rise above all the shit. rise above all the ugly thoughts I had. rise above
she doesn’t make it about her when she sees two friends doing a photoshoot or when she sees how the other buys her flowers.

so here we go again:

c: nadine posted roses which she got from my friend bettina
t: how lovely that people make gifts to other people
f: neutral
a: not think of it anymore
r: continue with my friendship

c: same
t: bettina’s brain just told her to surprise nadine with flowers. how amazing is that?
f: nice
a: no obsessing over it
r: same


c: same
t: happiness and love is going around and that’s so so nice!
f: happy
a: thinking of how nice happiness and love is
r: same


c: same
t: just because bettina bought her flowers you don’t have to make it mean that you are not a cool friend or other ugly things. she just bought her flowers because she felt like it and that’s okay, because you also do it too.
f: peace
a: not thinking about it any longer, understanding
r: same

i’m sorry for the long text. it just came pouring out when i started writing.
what do you think?

thanks so much