why not me


so the more i stay home the more i’ve noticed about my thoughts and behaviours.

on of them is that i get sad whenever a friend is mine doesn’t like take me and show me that i’m really a #1 person in their live.

i’ve send all my friends a selfmade bracelette with a really nice card.
they were all so happy and thankful.
today i went on instagram and one girl that is a friend of one of my dear friends postet flowers, which she got from my friends.
i was so sad and angry and jealous.

c: nadine postet roses which she got from my friend bettina
t: thats so nice why didnt she do that for me
f: sad
a: think about how nice it is to receive something like that and hwo close they are
r: me distancing from my friendship

c: same
t: such a bitch. she nevers looks after me
f: angry
a: thinking about revenge, not texting her anymore, being cold
r: ending of a relationship

like its so hard for me…
the same two girls did like a fotoshoot and uploaded some pictures and i instantly was jealous.
but i thought to myself you have many many friends. you are not alone. why do you have to be jealous of her only one friend she has next to you.

the older i get the more i think i have some serious issues with friendship jealousy.
i also want that my bf has many friends and that he has his guys clique.. even if i don’t haha.
he has to because its cool.

would love your thoughts on this.

i have one thought i came up with when i don’t receive the love back:
the most important thing it that they feel happy, because feeling happy is soo so nice.
i’m happy that they can experience such an amazing feeling.