I need help with my models below.
This morning I ran into a coworker (she’s great and I really like her) and she greeted me saying – “Wow, you look so skinny. Look at me, I look like a cow (in a bantering tone)”. I replied – “No, don’t say that. you look great for your age” . I saw her face change and I immediately regretted saying those words, it in my mind..She didnt seem to mind it too much, we spoke for few more minutes and parted our ways..
She is 15 years older than I am and she does look great for her age. My intention wasn’t to point out her age, but genuinely tell her she looked great too. But it didn’t come out that way.
Since that time, I have been wishing to go back in time and “unsay” the sentence I had said. I feel regret and sadness (and possibly overthinking here for sure).
My unintentional model
C: I said : You look great for your age
T: I saw her face change , i shouldn’t have said that. She must’ve thought I’m a terrible person.
A: beating myself up, ruminate, wishing to change circumstance
I know i cant hurt her feelings. She is responsible for her own feelings. But in a situation like this, I feel responsible for even the slightest hurt I may have caused. What are some new models I could try? This is my second month in SCS and Im listening to brooke’s podcasts since this march. I thought I got the hang of it, but no :(.
I tried some thoughts like – This is exactly how it was supposed to happen (but I cant accept that yet).
Bridging thoughts – It’s possible that she understood my intention. I choose to believe that she understood my intention. (Still doesn’t resonate with me).