I grew up with an angry Mum who hit me until I was 25 years old and married. She was aggressive and a bully. I have this tendency to shrink when I am around strong and dominant women. I tend to shut up when there is conflict, say nothing and take my anger and resentment inside where it festers. Extremely unhealthy I know. I cannot find my voice to speak up when I need to. I had an incident today when I friend asked me to go rowing with her, I rowed in school so I am competent in this sport. Her boat is new and she is very precious about it which I understand, she was telling me off and growling at me because I did things that were obviously different than her expectations. I did what I usually do, I shrank back, said nothing, went silent, felt ashamed and decided I would never go rowing with her again. I really need to learn to manage these feelings, they have pervaded since I was small and I am nearly 50!
I’ve done a model
C Rowing with Grace
T She is growling at me and telling me off, I’ve got things wrong again, I feel like a child, I am hopeless and can’t live up to other peoples expectations of me
F I feel ashamed, embarrassed and angry
A I shut my mouth and say nothing
R Grace doesn’t notice but I spend the day hating the rowing which is a shame because its a great sport and i love it, and I’m actually good at it. Day wrecked.
C Rowing with Grace
T Grace is precious about her boat and how she wants things done and thats ok, its new
A Comply with her needs, its her boat
R Enjoy the sunshine, the exercise and a day on the lake
I really need to sort this shrink or shine thing that I do (depending on how people treat me) as its plagued my life since I was very young, mainly because when I was hit and hurt and bullied as a child and into my 20’s I was terrified, I couldn’t do anything about it then but now I can. People aren’t hitting me anymore but I am still ‘scared’ of strong women who growl at me, confront me or tell me off, I feel humiliated, ashamed and useless. Its affected my past businesses and learning how to manage myself in these situations is critical as its part of being in business, dealing with humans! Any advice is so appreciated. Thank you Bridget