Women in Instagram Post


Please feedback on my model. I took questions from my previous posting to help me come up and discover my result and am still not sure what my result would be?  How do I tell the difference between giving my opinion or simply responding in a conversation from the statements being judgmental. My intent was not to be judgmental but to share and AGREE with what he was saying in a way. Is this his model or manual about me…I do want to take ownership in this if need be.

C Husband says “Of course you would defend them”
T He doesn’t see other people’s viewpoints
F Can’t say anything
A husband made a comment about a music group posting on Instagram and that they should be embarrassed. I made a comment about knowing one of the women and started to share with him my experience with her was she was very rude and a bitch toward me. I shared this with him, and he said, “why are you sharing this with me…I did not want to talk about this” I asked, “Is it because of how they look”. (they are older women). He said yes. I said did they post a picture or a video of their music? He said a video. I said there are people who like them and their age and looks have nothing to do with their music. Husband says “Of course you agree with them” I responded I don’t agree with them you know I do not like their musicianship, and they are a different demographic than what you like. I then started to share about a bass player that my husband and I know, who I know also played with them and he said, “I did not want to talk about this”. It is funny that he and I are really in agreement about this group on all levels, yet I don’t really care if they look old in an Instagram promotion and know that some people like them and who am I to judge.

• What is everything you do when you feel XX?
When I feel shut down and not heard or “allowed” to have an opinion or share information on what I thought was a topic of conversation I guess I “push” to be heard? Do I have to continue to not converse and just say nothing or just say “Oh yes you are right” That is the response my husband wishes

• What actions do you take in your mind when you feel XX? (Examples of actions we can take in the mind: Encourage, criticize, support, compare, have my won back, ruminate)
He takes my comments as criticism I think and maybe they are…they are not mean to be though. It seems that I had my own back in this conversation but what I said and how I said it. I guess I did push with the last comment about the bass player to see if he would respond differently?
• When you feel XX, what does your body language do?
I felt comfortable in my body and somewhat determined to say what I wanted to say. Arms open. I was sitting in a chair. I know that my head gets more expressive and cocked to the side like a look of curiosity. I pause before I would make my next line of conversation.

• What do you not do when you feel XX?
Get angry or say negative direct judgmental comments. I do not say You are wrong and make a correction as this is not what I am doing. Keep quiet and not respond.

R Showed up the way I wanted to?
Did not make it a problem and have it lead into a defensive argument?