I had a conversation with my boss yesterday regarding how I communicate with the support staff. She said that I do not communicate with others the way I would want to be communicated with, I am passive aggressive and that I am mean, as well as there being 2 staff members that have mentioned possibly leaving their positions because of how I, and a few other people, interact with them. I do not disagree with these statements, I am aware that, especially when I think that someone is not doing their job, I am not kind about it. This is something that in the past I have just felt is how I am and they should stop being overly sensitive. Now that I have found thought work, though, I believe it may be something that I can change, and would want to, because I would prefer to feel more patience and be more kind in general. I am suspicious that because this is how I treat myself I treat others that way as well because when this is brought up my immediate thought is that the person should stop being such a baby. After the conversation yesterday I did a model and will post it here. I guess my question is would this be a situation where bridge thoughts would help me? I can say, that after my feeling of rage subsided, I started trying on thoughts and “I am a kind person” feels laughable. Below is my model from yesterday. I don’t have an intentional one yet because I was in all the rage and defensiveness yesterday and I didn’t even want to try to change. Today, maybe because I did allow all the rage, I feel calmer and more ready to at least consider adjusting my communication style.
C: Yesterday in office J said to me that K & S were looking for other jobs because of how I and others in the hospital communicate with them. She said that I do not treat others as I would want to be treated, I am passive aggressive, demeaning and mean when I communicate.
T: F*** J, K & S, they can stay and I’ll f’ing leave.
A: Cry on the drive home, go to my Mom’s and talk (rage) about what happened, consider getting a new job, tell myself they’re babies that need to be coddled, completely ignore everyone from work, buffer with alcohol
R: Become more and more angry because of the thoughts I am thinking, be defensive and mean when communicating with anyone from work, fracture my relationship with my boss (who is also a friend), possibly leave a job that I enjoy and have wanted for a long time.