Work insecurity


I have moved into a new advisory role in my agency (which is more money, less work, fancy title), and the person who was hired into my previous position is a man with a national reputation, previously led similar agencies (meaning he’s been in our boss’ position), and he has about 15 years more experience than me. I’m thinking thoughts like he’s way smarter than me, I have nothing to advise him about, he’s going to think I’m not very good, everyone will like him better…. I know intellectually these are Ts, but I’m definitely operating like they are Cs. Plus, he is an older white man and I am a younger woman of color, and I’ve been adding on unhelpful thoughts about how I can’t believe I’m choosing those thoughts and I shouldn’t be intimidated and I should be more confident than this and it’s ‘just’ the patriarchy. Right now, thoughts like ‘he’s smarter’ or ‘he’s more qualified’ make me feel insecure. If he wasn’t in my old position, though, I could think those thoughts and not feel insecure at all or make it mean that I’m not smart or not qualified. Here’s an unintentional model:
C: FT is senior director of population health
T: He’s better than me
F: insecure
A: don’t focus on my new role, question my ability to add value, look for evidence that he’s better, don’t speak up in/contribute during staff meetings, dread work, disengage, think about job-searching
R: Find evidence he’s better, I don’t show up as my better self

I can feel myself really judging this model and wanting to get out of this emotion. Also, I’m not sure if all my actions are really actions or possibly new thoughts for another model (like ‘I don’t know if I can add value’)! Can you suggest a next step? Thank you.