I love parts of my job, in particular building teams, helping others achieve their goals, strategic planning, large group facilitation, change management ,and supporting high communication and accountability. I get these needs met on the four person leadership team I am a part of. We work for a group of 40 people.
The problem I have is that my primary role is as a project manager for large complicated projects. My thinking vacillates between I am amazing and I am horrible at my job. Negotiating fees, requesting additional services and money related issues aren’t in my zone of genius. I’ve been working on these skills for over 20 years and am not as skilled as I’d like to be.
I’m doing excellent work otherwise, but have so much fear, negativity and shame in this area. Profitability is so important and I am struggling. The client tells me she loves and also comes down hard on me. Teams enjoy working with me and I run a process that is rigorous and fun. I’m wondering how to learn to love this while also considering a consulting or coaching profession in the future. AND how to be open to all emotions and replace thoughts with ones that are useful. I’m in overwhelm.