Hi Brooke,
I could use some help and guidance getting through a breakup. I had been seeing a good man for the past three plus years. We had love and fun, but we couldn’t resolve our discrepancies. We are both divorced, single parents, with varying responsibilities. I didn’t feel like he had enough time to give to the relationship and in the end he agreed. We fought over that over the years without much resolution (initially for me asking for small things and over time getting resentful that he wasn’t able to do these things or tell me his side). At one point I asked you about, does he care enough, and your response was I need to first learn how to meet my own needs, and ironically a couple of days later he said the same thing. Part of that felt true, but part of it felt like I do need to feel valued and important to the person I am seeing and with such limited time together or words telling me that I am important to him or why I am important to him, it didn’t feel right.
So here we are now, we have been each others best friend and confidant for the past 3 years and I am having all sorts of conflicting thoughts and feelings. Part of me misses him and what he had, part of me can see my role so clearly and how much I was willing to do, give up to make it work. Part of me is angry at him for not communicating his side of things the past 3 years. But I had been on the fence for a majority of the relationship and not really seeing it is viable long term because I didn’t feel he could love me in a way I would feel loved by him).
We haven’t spoken since we broke up last week and it feels like withdrawals. I know that sounds dramatic, but it feels like I am relationship detoxing. Part of me wants to see him, to talk things through since we are the only two who are going through this and can identify what the other is going through, but then I know that it could be setting myself up for more lingering hurt.
Any advice for getting through this kind of experience or objective thoughts? I have done some models and am really trying to take good care of myself. My new thoughts that I try to remember are, “I will make the best of this” (since I do want to move forward and focus on things that light me up) and “I am loved with or without him.”