Working with layered thoughts to get to my IM


i want to address my relationship to my strong feelings. i have discovered that i have a lot of strong and painful thoughts/feelings layered onto the original reasonable thought/feeling. I am changing this now!!!!

i am considering a 4-prong approach-
1-tolerating strong feelings without acting on them or speaking about them
2- figuring out the thoughts i need to have to comfort or relieve them
3-figuring out the thoughts/beliefs causing the strong emotions
4-figuring out going forward thoughts that will set me up for success

here is a pretty simple example

UM
c- making decisions wrt landscaping back yard
t-tbd
f-agitated and anxious
a- act snippy or bitchy or insecure or disruptive or confused or rude
r-people get the wrong idea about me and they think i am a bitchy, agitated, confused, rude and indecisive person

IM
prong 1&2
c-anxiety about making decisions wrt landscaping back yard
t-its ok to have the anxiety, lets just allow it, keep it to yourself, for now, process your next steps
f- soothed, self supporting
a- quietly process my next steps while allowing the anxiety
r- soothed while allowing anxiety

prong 3

why/how am i feeling so indecisive, insecure,irritated, agitated, unclear about the landscaping and bordering walls

UM
i hate choosing paint colors. i cant tell the difference between multiple colors. i hate choosing plants, i dont know what looks good. what if i hate it. what if others hate it? what if i spend a lot of money and its wrong? why am i pressured to do this all at once? i feel like i am wasting money. especially if i want to redo later. i hate my landscaper, he is more construction, less artist. i hate this process. the walls are too high. i hate how it looks. they were so stupid. why did they do that? i was so stupid. why did i do that? i hate this

awareness-i am taking fair enough emotions- frustration for not knowing how to get it right- frustration for the creative process- frustration for working with contractors- and i am taking it to the next level of agitation and then even aggression and despair. i am abusing myself and others by calling everyone stupid and by hating on everyone.

therefore i am layering another level of thoughts and emotions on reasonable emotions.

UM
c- feeling very frustrated with the creative process and with contractors

t1-first layer feeling- i am frustrated by this
t2-second layer t- dont know what i am feeling, ok, this is overwhelming, i dont thinki i am going to get this right, oh no, this is going to be terrible, i hate this, ihate this feeling, i will never get this, etc.

IM
c-feeling very frustrated with the creative process and contractors
t- i have decided to allow and create space for all creative processes, i will hold space for this feeling of uncertainty, this feeling of uncertainy is ok, and i have faith that as i allow these waves of uncertainty, doubt and fear to flow through me, i will continue forward with finding the best solution. I am commtited to holding space for uncertainty and I know i will find my way through it.
f- relief, patience, excitement
a- waiting for the next ideas…no more emotionalzing! no more second layer!
r-constructive action, or construction inaction, followed by great results

Back to my first UM
c- making decisions wrt landscaping back yard
t-I cannot handle uncertainty, something terrible will happen,
f-agitated and anxious
a- act snippy or bitchy or insecure or disruptive or confused or rude
r-people get the wrong idea about me and they think i am a bitchy, agitated, confused and indecisive person, and they dont get along with me, I dont feel good about the job

IM
c- making decisions wrt landscaping back yard
t-I can handle uncertainty, I am willing and committed to handling the uncertainty of the creative process, and great things will eventually happen as I take it easy and step by step
f-soothed and excited
a- act calm and excited
r-people will get along with me and things will work out well

so the big thing for me is to realize i am layering completely unhelpful thoughts/emotions on perfectly normal thoughts/emotions

layering on fear/anger/blaming/nasty icky feelings…
not letting me solve the real problem- uncertainty and frustration.

so the thought “i can handle all uncertainty” may be the ultimate intentional model here

Thanks for the space to work this thru here, the support helps me

LisaC