Worried about upsetting friends


Hi coaches!

So I often get anxious in my friendships. And I’ve noticed I have this big anxiety around what the ‘rules’ are in group friendships. So what’s acceptable vs what isn’t, and basically being scared of upsetting people’s feelings because I fear if a friend gets mad at me I’ll ‘lose’ them forever.

An example of this is in group friendships. I fear if I meet up with someone from the group 1:1 then it’s ‘bad’ and ‘leaving others out’. Despite me also believing ‘1:1 friendships are nice to have in addition to being friends in a group.’

My current thoughts are:

– There are set rules in a group friendship (e.g. who you invite where, not leaving people out)
– If I don’t follow the ‘rules’ then people will feel left out / angry / be upset with me
– If people are upset with me then our friendship will be over / ruined

All very dramatic I know…

Objective I know that there aren’t set ‘rules’ because everyone would have a different idea about what counts as leaving someone out or what’s normal in their group dynamics. But my brain really clings to wanting to know what’s the right things to do that won’t upset other people.

I’m trying to coach myself on:

1) Not believing my brain when it says there are set rules
2) Knowing that even if people get mad at me isn’t a massive problem and doesn’t mean I’ll lose them

But I’m struggling. Any advice!