Worry and grief


Hi! I have a good friend and her husband just died from a cancer. This week, I’m attending a workshop and I’ve met a girl, her mother has a cancer and is at the hospital.
My thoughts about this is: “Happiness is so fragile. Any existence could turn into a nightmare in an instant.”
My husband and my daughter have had a flight today and I was thinking that it could go badly. I’m thinking that more and more people have cancer. I’m thinking: “I’m getting older, more and more people I know will die”. I’m thinking that it’s hard to do anything against cancer (I know one can eat healthy food and do exercise but it’s not like a protection against cancer, some other diseases seem to be easier to prevent). It also seem very unfair that some people have to deal with such a painful disease while other people are fine.
I guess all of those thoughts are mixed. I guess I think: “This is awful. I don’t want this to happen to me. I wouldn’t like to get sick and die, but I know this could happen to anyone. I don’t want to see this happen, because it reminds me it could happen to me.”
I had a 20 minutes coaching call about my fear, and the coach said I could open up to make peace with death, think this is a new adventure and not an end.
Part of me is open to it. But I guess there is a strong fear of death because we are wired to survive. And there is the process of grief (for the husband of my friend which I knew) or compassion (for my friend). I’d like not to mix all of this together.

C the husband of my friend is dead
T Any peaceful existence could turn into a nightmare in an instant.
F worried
A look around me and see how peaceful it is, ruminate about what terrible could happen to anyone, seek evidences of bad things happening, generalizing, catastrophizing, looking for evidences of people saying how terrible it is and how so many people are dying
R I create a nightmare in my head

Intentional
C the husband of my friend is dead
T he is at peace now
F peace
A think about him, about the future of my friend, think about the nice life he had
R I am at peace with his death

C the husband of my friend is dead
T my friend and her kids have to say good bye
F sad
A I cry, observe the feeling in my body, make a prayer for my friend, her kids, her husband, for our friends and for me, to find meaning of what happened
R I give some space and time to process sadness.

What I observe right now, is that I feel sad. I thought I wasn’t sad.

I’d really like to have a spiritual life. I’ve just had a little prayer and it feels good. But I’m not religious and don’t want to be baptized. I guess I could just stay open and allow myself to become more spiritual the way I want.

Thank you!