I’ve been doing the program for almost 3 months and I’ve reached a new place where I have a new set of questions.
I have watched myself and my urges and I have been able to see that I actually don’t like the feeling of drinking all that much. I like the feeling of that first sip of wine, and that’s about it. So now when I do drink, I have one sip, then wait 20 minutes before having another. It keeps that “first sip” feeling going and I’m happy because I end up drinking only one glass all night.
Most days I don’t drink at all, which as you know, feels phenomenal, both mentally and physically. I can have a bottle of wine in the fridge and not touch it because I know I’ll feel better without it. I don’t fight against myself. This is a really big step for me.
My question is this. Why do I have a nagging feeling that I’m missing out on something by not drinking? I sometimes think about wine during the day and about how enjoyable it would be to have it at night. My drink plan is a glass of wine on Friday and Sunday, so on the days I’m thinking about it, it’s not even in my drink plan. When the evening comes, I don’t drink, partly choosing with my conscious brain, but also, I don’t have the strong urge to drink anymore. I don’t make excuses about why I need it anymore. In the evening I feel fine without wine, but around the time I would have normally stopped drinking (8:30 pm) this feeling kicks in that I am missing something, and that it’s related to wine.
It’s almost like I’ve dealt with the urges, but not dealt with the daily habit and ritual I had set up. Like I’m mourning the loss of something, or unsure about where this new thing (not drinking) is taking me, and I’m feeling afraid to go there.
Thank you for your help!