Self-loathing after I have drunk excessively

I wanted to ask you about managing the self-loathing after I have drunk excessively. I have years of practice of beating up on myself and so it is clearly going to take time and practice and maybe some extra steps before I can write some things down and move on. So I would love more help and guidance for managing my elaborate self loathing mechanism. (Of course I also wonder if the exhaustion from my self-loathing is part of what makes me determined to change my behavior – so maybe it’s valuable in a twisted way? But it’s pretty brutal to go through.)