fully processing UM – lying to self

Unintentional Model.
C my coaching biz
T I’m taking a lot of action but still only have 2 clients.
F frustrated
A beat myself up; dwell; self-loathing (I resist looking at this by talking myself into why it makes total sense I only have 2 clients – there are always “good reasons” (excuses and justifications) as to why my actions aren’t working to get more clients; deep down wonder “what’s wrong with me?”; lie to myself that “it’s ok, you’re getting there”; distract myself with things that are going “really well” (the 2 clients I do have, I’m enjoying social media which is a win); feel jealous when I see other people’s success; do tons of self-coaching on other things with scanty focus on client-getting models; lie to myself and my family that “it’s going great!”; plan on more actions to take and follow through with those plans; judge myself, try to do things the “correct” way, hoping to get more clients
R Only 2 clients

I need to REALLY understand this UM so that I “break” this painful story for myself. I’m not submitting an IM because the tendency is to try and race to the IM too quickly.

What are some ways for me to REALLY understand this UM more fully? Do I need to FEEL & process frustration, shame & jealousy? Because I’ve been not wanting to even see it & I’ve been resisting this. Thank you in advance for your response.