Hi coaches. A few days ago I wrote to you about comparing myself, judgmentally, with other professionals who I tend to see (in certain moments) as ‘high flying / high earners / full adults’. I find that this gets in the way of my work and life & contributes to getting me stuck in inaction. You advised me put this whole T / F pattern in the C line & see where that leads me. Ie what do I think, feel and do in response to having these thoughts?

I found it very very helpful to progress on this in this way and plan to continue so may bring this again. Here are my models on this from this morning and would love some feedback.

Model on Unintentional Thought 1
C: myself having comparing thoughts to others, seeing them as ‘high flying / high earning’, thinking of myself as ‘not a full adult’, having feelings of defeat and shame as a result
T: these thoughts and feelings get in my way, they are a burden, I wish I could get rid of them, I keep having to deal with them despite my efforts, after all these years
F: exasperation – self attack
A: leads to fresh cycle of thoughts about the thoughts, thoughts about the feelings – why do I do this self attack? why do I compare? why don’t I fully get over my problems all these years?
stuck in inaction still
despairing thoughts every time I have ‘relapses or failures’: I should be doing better!
R: creating an image of myself as needing to never have these thoughts, that I shouldn’t have this weakness.

Model on Unintentional Thought 2
C: myself having comparing thoughts to others, seeing them as ‘high flying / high earning’, thinking of myself as ‘not a full adult’, having feelings of defeat and shame as a result
T: I think that many of the people who I see now as ‘high flying / high earning’ were not in the same place 20 years ago. I knew some of them then and they were just starting. I think I’m too harsh on myself and I too have done a lot in 20 years.
F: unconvinced. Unsure
A: rationalizing thoughts – going back & forth. Trying to convince myself, not quite managing.
remaining stuck in inaction or in half-hearted action – still affected by these thoughts as if they are ‘wrong’ and need to be rationalized away before I act
bargaining with these thoughts
R: remaining in stuckness / inaction – spending energy on trying to get rid of these thoughts

Model on Intentional Thought
C: myself having comparing thoughts to others, seeing them as ‘high flying / high earning’, thinking of myself as ‘not a full adult’, having feelings of defeat and shame as a result
T: Sometimes I think these things and compare myself and that’s OK. That’s what my mind is used to doing sometimes.
F: accepting (of myself)
A: put my impossible (career & finances) goal right in the centre of my Monday hour one planning: prioritise. Don’t leave it anymore in the back burner
do what needs to be done to let go of everyday, low value tasks that fill up my calendar. Delegate. Use ‘eisenhower matrix’ (it helps).
Continue with thought work on negative thinking and comparisons: work on accepting these thoughts as part of myself that sometimes rears its ugly head and that’s OK.
practice self compassion: ideas- journaling, times with friends, humour, use Headspace app, time with family protected
focus on rest times. Huge priority.
Ask for help & advice when needed.
R: moving forward in my career and creating feelings of initiative, determination & courage, as well as hope & joy, accepting that my mind will throw good and bad thoughts at me.