I’ve come the conclusion that I’m never going to find the thought that is truly holding me back. It’s been years of trying to figure myself out especially with money, and in the process I’ve incurred so much debt that it’s to a point where it’s about to come crashing down. I’ve run out of money and I’m not making money. I’m completely panicking and I feel paralyzed. I’m literally sick to my stomach, feeling like a failure at the same time yet I try to keep hope it’s going to happen. It’s a cycle I’ve come accustomed to that I don’t want. While I also have not done the work that I suppose I need to even though I’m putting out content and I’ve been trying different things, it’s not enough.

I feel like I must do this terrified. That no matter what I feel about money or the status of my coaching business, I have to keep going. Any new thoughts that I practice feel fake because they have not moved me to anything. I’m almost at the point that I don’t believe that I will ever believe something new at all. That I will keep living this life that totally sucks. That I will never create anything I imagined. I feel like it’s been years now and it’s like who am I fooling. I’m just not a person that will love the life she imagined. I feel hopeless. How can I be terrified about my debt and no money and still build a business? I feel like I’m out of options even in my own thinking.