Drinking decision made in advance but still feels bad

I am working on my overdrinking.

I was on a week-long hiking and yoga retreat where no alcohol was available, and I was totally fine with it for the most time. I had this vague idea, that I would use the retreat as a springboard to take a longer break from drinking.

But in the middle of the retreat week, I started thinking about going back and how nice it would be to have a drink in the airport and on the plane. It seemed that I deserve this treat after the week of “being good”. I immediately made a plan for allowing wine on the flying home day.

Technically no rules were broken, I planned ahead, so it wasn’t an immediate response to an urge. But at the same time, it still feels that I made this decision in response to an urge and that it wasn’t a decision that served me. Drinking on the return day, led to having wine 3 more days in a row.

So, I guess I don’t see how this decision made in advance was more serving to me than just responding to an urge immediately. The end result was exactly the same. Really would love to understand this better.

Many thanks!