Dear Brooke,
First of all, words cannot really express how grateful I am for how you are showing up to help us. Thank you. My question/struggle is my feelings of anger toward myself about gaining some of the weight back that I had lost. I joined Scholars a year ago and was able to lose almost 35 lbs and make it to my goal weight. I was determined not to gain it back. I did great through the holidays and the first part of the new year, but when COVID came I did not manage my mind well – I am a physician and I look back and realize I was scared and anxious, although I would have said I was doing ok at the time. I tried to buffer away my negative feelings and comfort myself w/ food, specifically sugar/chocolate. I knew what I was doing and I was so angry with myself, which I then also tried to buffer away. With food. So here I am 10 lbs heavier and I am angry and discouraged. I am trying to show myself some compassion but I am having trouble creating thoughts that will create this compassion. The closest I could come was:
Unintentional:
C: weight gain
T: I can’t believe I allowed this to happen
F: Anger
A: Beat myself up
Question/second guess my plans
Try to buffer away the anger
R: More weight gain

Intentional:
C: weight gain
T: I am working on showing up for myself
F: Encouraged
A: Make thoughtful plans
Don’t beat myself up
Be more willing to look at my thoughts
R: Learn to love myself and in turn manage my mind and my weight

But encouraged isn’t really the same as compassion. In one of my coaching sessions (which are AMAZING btw and the fact that I get TWO as a diamond scholar is the absolute best thing ever) Kari asked me what it could look like and the first thought that came to my mind as I saw my past self was, “Of course I was afraid.” This did generate some tenderness for myself. I just can’t really bridge that to a thought that could generate some compassion for my current self. I am sorry this is so long. Thank you again from the very bottom of my heart.