How can I pinpoint my thought that is keeping me from writing down and sticking to my protocol?

I joined Scholars 6 months ago to lose weight, however; I have been buffering with Scholars (even though you have told us not to do that!) and consuming all the information on monthly topics which hasn’t helped, but hindered me from my impossible goal. I realize I have been procrastinating weight loss by not constraining. Always an excuse, special occasion, holiday, whatever – I am very good at justifying not following my protocol. My impossible goal is to lose 30 pounds. I have made headway several times (lose 10 lbs.) and then blow it. How can I identify the thought and change it so I can successfully complete your program and meet my impossible goal? I know I need to stop beating myself up but can’t identify why I fall off the wagon once I have had some weight loss and should be motivated to continue. Thank you for creating SCS. You are truly amazing and have helped me through so much – I just can’t seem to do this or pin myself down as to why?