I don’t like my reason for wanting to lose weight

Recently I’ve realised I don’t like my reason for wanting to lose weight. It’s entirely about what I imagine other people will think about me, and wanting to control those opinions. If I had to live the rest of my life on a desert island, I wouldn’t mind my body at all – in fact, I generally feel great in it and happy with myself until I see myself in photos, and all those T’s come bubbling up.

I’m game for the 8lb challenge but aware that I’m really just changing my C here, and that’s where I get stuck. It’s like my pre frontal cortex thinks I don’t need to lose any weight at all, but my lizard brain thinks I’m at risk of terrible social danger if I don’t. The war between the two means I keep losing a little and then gaining it back on repeat.

How can I clean up my thoughts around all of this? I’ve dabbled in disordered eating my whole life, and feel like I don’t even know what I really want any more.