46 days of not buffering and feeling a lot

Hi Brooke,

Man oh man! I’m 46 days in (and new scholar as of Feb) of not buffering with foods that trigger allergies like sugar, flour, grains and alcohol.

I’m feeling a lot.

I couldn’t sleep last night, and should have done some model work but didn’t. I have had two or three of these nights over the 46 days.

I’m crying over the latest school shootings.

I boldly wrote our local high school principal about an idea I had to work with some kids.

I fixed my defunk website in a week, after months of ignoring it.

My lead gen isn’t quite working as well right now, fixing it and it will take a wee bit of time to grease the wheels again, and funds are a bit low, but I know it’s temporary. So I’m not losing my cool about it, and delighted that I’m not.

I’ve had a ton of tech challenges this week, fine. To be quite frank, were long time coming. I dealt with it, fixed them and onward.

I’m having some BIG dark feelings about my marriage. The model work is fascinating as I see this, surprisingly so, is more of a habit that’s being purged, rather then the truth. Then the next moment I’m so deeply appreciative of him. Gah!

I don’t feel bad, per se, just feeling a lot and feeling it intensively.

I feel wild, untamed, fierce AND tender, and oddly energized.

I want to be working with your money program (and asked you about this and you concurred to stay focused food and drink programs to shore up for the harder stuff, so that’s what I’m doing) and yet, I’m often surprised how I have enough to do just to BE with the food and drink changes and doing the model work and February homework, and riding out how different I feel.

Part of me is truly unnerved… I feel like I’ve been doing this a long time, but it’s just 46 days. Holy smokes! Will I be able to do? Is this some sort of fluke? Will I fall back and mess up again? But then I think… “yeah, so what. You might. Fail forward. And begin again, just like Brooke says.”

Who is this awesome person I’m becoming? LOL! Part freaked out, part delighted by it, part scared, part whatever else is coming up.

So this is all to say… I feel like I’m navigating a kind of rebirth and like real life birth, it’s kinda messy, intense.

I’m doing my models and sometimes needing to do them twice per day. And if I skip a day, oh boy. Not good.

I just feel like what I’m doing is radical. In the sense that it’s like well, to quote Dave Ramsey, “if you want to live like no one else, you are going to have to live no one else.” I’m antsy to see where I’ll be in 6 months. And I’m finding this 2nd month is harder, more “real” and having to feel more in response to replacing buffering with well, feeling the feelz.

As someone who has made herself over more than once – with weight, drinking, business, etc – any advice around this? This is normal, right?

I know it is, but somehow this felt important to share with someone here. As no one else in my life is not buffering.

Thanks for reading!