5/5/2020 Competition

Background: I am certifying to become a crystal healer. Another gal that I know is also in my class. I asked her if she wanted to be accountability partners and if she planned to complete the certification in 4 weeks. She gave reasons why she couldn’t complete it in 4 weeks. I gave her all the things I am “dealing with” and said if she really wanted to do it she could….She replied.

C: Person says “I’m not in a competition.”
T: I wasn’t thinking I was in a competition. Thats her problem if she thinks that.
F: Angry
A: Tell her I wasnt in a competition. Explain my reason for what I said to her.
R: Let her know I wasn’t thinking that.

C: Person says “I’m not in a competition.”
T: Maybe I do feel like we are in a competition.
Or that I should be better than her.
Maybe I was in a place of compare & dispare
Maybe I am afraid she is going to be better than me.
F: curious
A: self coach, check my own thinking
R: Check in with my brain to see if it was competing.

Am I in a competion with her? I dont think so because I dont plan on making any money from taking this course
Do I think I should be better than her? I think I always want to be better than the other person. Maybe because I will be valued more, looked at as better than her.
Am I afraid she will be better than me? Possibly.
What would I make that mean? I am not as good as her. I can’t do it. I’m not good enough….etc etc etc.

Now, I’m not sure where I should go from here. I notice these thoughts come up often in other areas. Especially “I’m not good enough.”