A love letter

Dear Brooke,

I joined SCS on 4/8/2017, so I became a Diamond this month. Like many other honors (and it is an honor, my friend), I immediately went to a place in my head that told me “I don’t deserve this. I didn’t earn this.”

You see, in Year 1 of SCS, I started out all in. Then, a million circumstances happened, some with significant drama, and I stopped applying the material (or so I thought) and went into consumption mode. Although the calls often went on my calendar, I didn’t make time for them live. I have never been coached live (that will change this year), but I listened to the recordings.

In late March or early April this year, I went on a subscription purge. I dumped all of the apps on my phone that I pay for and never use. I navigated my way to the page to quit SCS. I was telling myself that I didn’t DESERVE to spend this $297.00 on something that I’m not using. I read the warning that I could not re-enter for a year, and I still had my finger on the button when something distracted me. I resolved to come back later and finish dropping out (punishing myself).

Although I didn’t do the workbooks most days from August to April, I continued to listen to the coaching calls and podcasts. Then, a week ago, there was a an incident in my home. No violence, no danger, but my caveman brain turned it into “I’m going to die.” Because of my drama, other people got involved, and soon I was in a situation where if I didn’t try to force someone else to do something he didn’t want to do, other people were going to take actions that were going to really hurt, and they did. I wrote you about that last month. That “C” was being told that we may not see our grandchildren.

I’ll be honest – I turned into a bitch at home after that happened. I started to buy into other people’s drama. Last Friday I confronted my loved one and said, “you need to deal with this now.” He wisely said, “I’m tired. I’m going to nap. We will talk later.”

He went to bed, and I took that opportunity to sit down, shut up the voices in my head, and use the tools that you’ve taught me. I did model after model. I stripped the drama out of the situation and saw that I really wasn’t about to die. I listed what would actually happen if the worst thing possible came true, and realized that C wouldn’t kill me either. Finally, I tried to put myself in the shoes of my dear person who was upstairs napping. I realized that if I were him, I would likely never come down the stairs to be “talked at.”

My lovely brave man did come down the stairs, and he found a loving partner who didn’t bring up the drama. Instead, I told him I loved him and asked him if he had a good nap. We talked yesterday about that nap. He asked me what happened to me during that nap because I was one person when he went upstairs and a different person when he came downstairs. I told him exactly what happened.

Although I have not been “all in” doing my SCS homework since August last year, my mind was listening to other people being coached, processing what you taught them and learning how to respond. Although the learning didn’t kick in when it might have avoided some of the harm, it did kick in. When push came to shove, I realized that what happened last Friday marked a new era in this life.

I did the work – I listened to the materials and I thought about them. I practiced a model once in a while on paper, but now I see that I was practicing them in my head many times without realizing it. Perhaps this is really “stealth coaching scholars.”

I’m all in now. I faced once of my worst fears in my personal life last week, and I am absolutely 100% confident in my action. Now, I’m realizing that if I do that in my business, there is tremendous growth potential. People want to work with me and I send them to other practices because I doubt myself. How crazy is that?

To those of you who have considered dropping out because you don’t do the work, do what you can. Don’t leave. Once day it will all come together and when it does, you are going to be unstoppable.

Brooke, thank you for your stealth coaching scholars. I’ve graduated, and now I’m ready to enter the self-coaching scholars.

Thank you again, Brooke.

Love, (I told you it was a love letter!)