Hi,
The scenario is: When I came home from a 10h workday my boyfriend asked me to help with his chores, specifically hanging out the laundry as it might start to smell otherwise. It has already been sitting in a basket for 2 days (wet). When I went to hang it out it already smelled, so I told him and put it back in the dirty laundry bin.

Two days later we had the following exchange:
BF: What’s happening to the laundry?
Me: Nothing, it smelled so I didn’t hang it out.
BF: Why didn’t you re-wash it and hang it out? I have no f****** clean clothes. If I’m asking you to hang it out that’s what it means.

C – BF asked why I didn’t re-wash and hang the laundry.
T – (We have both been really busy this week and I’ve taken care of my chores, so why can’t he do it himself if he doesn’t have any clothes? He doesn’t have many chores anyway and when he asked me if I could help he spent 1h on Facebook scrolling instead of doing it himself. I’m bloody tired and I don’t want more things to do every day I’m coming home from work. I need some downtime and sleep.) Picking one thought 🙂 Why ask me when it’s his chore?
F – Attacked
A – Defensive reply
R – Disconnect and resentment between us

Intentional model?
C – BF asked why I didn’t re-wash and hang the laundry.
T – ?
F – Relaxed
A –
R –

I’m stuck. I don’t really know what thought I need to have around this scenario to feel relaxed. I know that no matter what I do or say (unless I jump up and start doing laundry straight away, maaaaybe) he will be upset and blame me for not having any clean clothes. I don’t want to do his chores, so I’m not going to. But I also don’t know how to think in order to feel relaxed when he’s accusing and blaming me for something that I think is his own fault. Help!