Afraid of being on my own and people pleasing

Hi Brooke,

I hold my hands up i am a people pleaser!! Argh. I think i have a fear of being alone. I have been manipulated with guilt my whole life by my family and shown conditional love.. i would be punished e.g. ignored, told i was no good, excluded, things taken away from me etc etc..if i did not do what they wanted. Its left me a bit messed up when it comes to friends. I am quite a sociable person however I am always seeking others approval and people pleasing. In the past i feel like i have attracted the wrong sort of people to be friends with. I have moved to a new place a few years ago and have started to make friends with some mums that have children the same age as my daughter. A group of them have made friends and are quite ‘clicky’ and are really quite 2 faced and bitchy and talk a lot about drinking alcohol all the time. One of them has noticed that i don’t really drink and has excluded me a couple of times when they have been out. I personally dont feel like i need to have a drink to have fun, so felt i could have still been invited. I guess it says more about her really. There are things i like about them, and feel like we get on and have the same silly sense of humour etc. However i cant stand the bitchiness etc.

I am creating friendships but i am unsure they are right for me. I am not sure if you hang in with people, as no one is perfect, right? Or do i try and move on and try and find people who are more like me and not bitchy and clicky? Which i find hard to meet people like that, especially girls. I feel like i am in school again. I am scared of being alone, especially as the days are so long when i am at home with my kids without adult company. i also crave being part of a group. I think perhaps these friends are not 100% right for me but i dont want to be alone or excluded.
I’m not sure if i should back away or stay friends with these girls? I feel more anxious about this as my daughter is friends with their daughters etc. And i dont want her to feel excluded. I thought it was meant to get easier when you get older!

I hope this makes sense!

Thanks xxxx