Am I doing this right? Choosing sadness in the Model and that’s okay. tzv

Hi Coaches,

I’m working through some thoughts about some things that happened this weekend and wanted feedback. I had a friend come in town and visit this weekend. We’ve been friends since college but only typically see each other every 3-5 years. She’s married and chosen not to have children. I’m married with one child (3 yo). She stayed at our house with us and this was the first time she met my child. She was very removed and distant… meaning, she said very little to him beyond hello.

We were all in the car one afternoon together and he got carsick. We had to pull over and clean him up, clean the car up, and calm him down because he was upset. My husband was with me and he and I took care of things… the entire time my friend sat in the car without even looking at us (on the side of the road) and scrolled on her phone. I’m trying to keep it fact-based and not emotional here. I don’t know what she was thinking or why she said nothing, didn’t offer to help or even ask if things were ok, just that she sat in the car and wanted to be on her phone and talk about stuff going on with her.

I got upset about it somewhat. I decided that I did not want to say anything to her and that she and I are different and that’s okay. I thought about how Brooke says, “what would love do?” I love her, even though she doesn’t seem to enjoy being around or engaging with my child. I want to think positive thoughts about her and I am ABLE to do that, even given our weekend’s ups and downs.

But, I want to use the model right here. I’ve decided I WANT to feel sad about the her lack of interaction with my son. It does bum me out and that’s ok. I don’t want to find a thought that gets rid of that saddness. I want to believe that the weekend didn’t go exactly the way I wished it did, and that’s ok. Versus, finding a thought that puts a bow on her behavior.

Is that right? Ok?

I’m not stewing in this sad feeling, more like just bummed and already on the road to moving on.

Lastly, I’m thinking about next time. Is it fair to have a new boundary (?) or something around our relationship… ? For example, I would not want to host her again at my house given her minimal interaction with my son. I prefer to have guests who want to do more family-oriented activities… I’d rather meet her out and enjoy our time one on one.

Does that make sense? Any other advice?
Thanks so much,