I’m noticing that I have a lot of anxiety come up with unplanned time. I’ve been sort of trying to do Monday Hour One but generally seem to overload myself with tasks and stop following the schedule I set for myself because it’s too much/I quickly fall behind/or there’s no room for flexibility and I need a lot of it in the type of work I do.
I’ve been noticing that if I wake up and have a chunk of time before my part time job, I start to feel very stressed and anxious. The thoughts that come up are “I don’t know what I should be doing with myself” followed by a list of “shoulds”. When I ask so what? I get that I’m wasting my time and falling behind. I’ve done models and can see that those thoughts are literally making me behind because I spin in anxiety and confusion instead of picking something to work on – my business, self coaching, an online class, the garden, communicating with friends, creative work, organizing the house I moved into, etc. Even just relaxing.
The problem is that I’m struggling to move beyond this thought pattern. I can allow the emotion but it also feels a but indulgent and not useful. But maybe I’m not fully allowing it. Or maybe I need to try harder to stick with Monday Hour One and just be easier on myself with the schedule. I think I believe that if I make it too easy then I won’t accomplish enough. This just keeps coming up. I would love to feel focused and directed, and also compassionate with myself.