My husband and I are in a fight and since Saturday he’s isolated from me and the family. My husband has narcissistic tendencies which is something we are both working on. He has a pattern of when we get into fights, he ignores me for days and I do whatever I can to fix it. His ignoring could be a part of his narcissistic tendencies-which they do to stay in control and manipulate me and is a form of abuse. (I don’t really know how to work thru this yet).
Any time we are in a fight, I want to fix it as soon as possible, I apologize for things that I don’t need to apologize for. I do all I can to make it so he isn’t mad at me and ignoring me, which is exhausting!
Here is my model on this:
C: Hubby and I get into a fight and he ignores me
T: I have to fix this
A: Try to fix it, apologize so he won’t be mad at me, change/bend to please him, walk on eggshells, beat myself up, shame myself, get pissed, try to force it, take on all responsibility, apologize for things I don’t need to apologize for, doubt myself, become impatient, doubt him-our relationship, try to convince him, take all the blame, do whatever I can to fix it even if that means I devalue myself. Get into his model and try to control him and the situation.
R: I perpetuate this cycle and it doesn’t get fixed.
I’m in a lot of turmoil over this. A lot of it has to do with seeing this pattern and wanting to take my power back but it is also very uncomfortable to do that. I’m sad because I’ve let this happen but I’m also grateful that I see it differently and can change my thoughts around it. Thank you!!