Hi Brooke, I know you tell us that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings. But as a mother of a very sensitive 25-year-old daughter, who is living on her own in another state far from where I’m at, I can’t help but feel distressed when she is struggling with her emotions. As a mom, I want to help her make things better. Of course, I have been sharing the model with her to help her deal with her emotional reaction to things. (Although, it’s kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, because I am still a work in progress trying to embrace the model in every circumstance.)
Well, she called me in the middle of a bachelorette weekend she was hosting. The circumstances are many—not getting enough sleep, lots of overtime work, lots of time spent on planning the weekend, spending more than planned, the bride-to-be and other bride’s maids are saying and doing things that were unexpected. She was feeling resentful, unappreciated, irritated, and overwhelmed. I tried to bring the model up and it was not received well. She took my response as pointing out that everything is her fault, and instead of bringing her down from the escalated emotions, I only exacerbated the situation.
She had to return to the “party”, so she had to abruptly cut the call, but it ended with her in tears. So now I’m the one feeling helpless.
As a coach, don’t you want to help people “feel better” and learn how to gain control over their feelings? That’s how I feel towards my daughter, but I’m not doing a very good job of getting the model across to her. What can I do to help her?