Blaming my husband

I feel like my brain constantly reverts to blaming or judging my husband for things that are not working in our relationship or when we are in conversation about it and it goes badly. I find myself thinking “He’s being defensive” or “he’s getting sucked into self-blame” or “he’s not asking me questions, why doesn’t he ask me questions…” Bor-ing. Boring. I’m exhausted by constantly trying to remind myself that is not helpful or necessarily true. But I think I must not believe it because my thoughts keep coming back round to those kinds of conclusions. I feel stuck in that cycle and don’t know how to get out.

My words get caught in my throat, the thoughts get caught in my mind and I try to give him space, myself space, but I find myself ruminating. Sometimes I think I should just say what’s going on to get out of my own head, but in those moments my logic is very crowded out and I can’t make heads or tails of the way forward.