Body shame in my relationship

So anytime I see a beautiful girl, my thoughts turn to wow, my boyfriend would want her so much more than me.

This never used to happen. My boyfriend used to tell me I’m the only girl he saw in a room and how beautiful I was. He actually moved across the country to be with me. I felt so special.

One day my boyfriend went over to my friend’s house to talk. (He was visiting me, before he moved here, didn’t know anyone, and I was working). I was so worried. After she told me everything was fine, and all he said was how much he loved me.

Months later, right before we moved in together, she was very jealous and told me that on that day, he had actually said how he didn’t know if he wanted to move with me and that for the first time he noticed another girl in the grocery store while we were shopping. I was devastated and felt betrayed by my best friend and him. Her and I haven’t spoken since. He said that he was concerned at the time, but no longer was.

Then after we moved in together, I found out that when we were apart, he had been talking to webcam girls. He told them how beautiful they were, how they were his dream girls, etc. It really broke me. Then we stopped having sex, or rarely happens. I now search his social media and go crazy trying to find evidence that he is talking to other women.

He told me he was just lonely and it meant nothing, and he loves me. But I just cannot move on, I don’t trust him at all anymore. And now I’m having panic attacks about it and so mad at him. I feel like a crazy girlfriend and hate it. I hate my body.

The other day I told him how sad I was and how I compare myself to all these women and how I think he wants them more. He just says no, I chose you. And said “but then they wouldn’t be you”. And finally I pressured him so much, I said “you really wouldn’t be more attracted to me if I had a butt like the girl and the grocery store”. He said “I guess so… but I’ve never thought about it before only because you are asking”.

I don’t think I can ever move on from this. I’m so stuck. Please help ❤️