Bone Deep Fear

What I stop the drinking, the overeating, the social media distractions, the porn, the gum, and the TV … all I’m left with is bone deep fear. Fear of what will happen to me if I try live the life I really want to live. Fear that I won’t make enough money with my new business to pay the bills – and I’ll lose the house I love. That I won’t be able to pay my child support and lose my relationship with my daughter. That I’ll live in squalor and live hand-to-mouth … no travel, no friends, no relationship, no nothing. A living death. Here – but not REALLY here. So when I sit in that fear … instead of wanting to jump up and launch into the new business or any of the new things I want to create … I go grab a piece of gum and chew it while looking up younger, happier people on Facebook – living their fantastic lives. It’s uncomfortable – but more comfortable than the bone deep fear.

How does one change a thought so deep to stop the buffering long term and take massive action? This new business needs to be built from the ground up… brand new. It means being the face of it… being incredibly visible… being judged and having those judgments made very publicly all over the Internet for everyone to see (including new potential clients). It means failing a lot. Taking my best, most researched, most “likely to succeed” actions – and watch them fall apart. And still moving forward. In fact, I know I need to MOVE FAST (not slow) – so these worries and fears need to feel immaterial to the ultimate vision of what I want to become and what I want my business to become.

So how does one make that leap … and wiggle out from underneath a mound of buffering … to take all of these new, awkward, scary steps forward – knowing that the road ahead is littered with countless landmines. (Yeesh – just from writing this I see this story alone would keep me from taking action. Who wants to travel a road littered with countless landmines thinking all that’s waiting for you is rejection, haters, judgment, and failure?)

Any thoughts? I feel like I’m destined for so much more out of life – but I’m letting this fear keep me stuck and buffering endlessly.