Double Standards with Parents & Siblings

Hi Brooke,

I’ve been wanting to get coached live on this topic but most of the time the coaching calls conflict with my work schedule so I thought I’d address my issues/concerns here!

I’ll try to sum it up the best I can…I have 3 siblings; two sisters and a brother. The two younger ones have always lived the life of free handouts, no consequences, and plenty of subsidies from our parents. In fact, my 35 year old brother is still living with my mom, mostly unemployed. My younger sister has also lived most of her life “rent free”, living off other family members and working part-time (by choice). My older sister, who does work really hard, still struggles financially and has recently been “gifted” a large sum of money from my father to help her out of her financial struggles.

Meanwhile, I have always been self-sufficient, established a good career right out of college, homeowner, pay bills on time, competent, trustworthy and generally don’t create a lot of drama in my life like the other three siblings. A few years ago I asked my dad for a loan to help us with a home project. He gave us the loan with clearly defined terms on payment including interest. I was very thankful that he agreed to loan us the money so that we could complete our home project. I have paid a good chunk of the money back, but still owe him the remainder, which is still quite a bit of money. I know this is what we agreed upon several years ago and I always planned on repaying him.

I am still having a very hard time accepting that I have a loan (including interest) with my dad, meanwhile, all of my other siblings are constantly getting subsidies such as gifted cash, free rent, student loans paid off by parents, etc. Although I am independent, capable, pride myself on never ask for anything, self-sufficient and hardworking I can’t help but feel resentment, irritation and frustration towards my siblings and parents on getting or giving preferential treatment and raised with a double standard. I find myself getting upset because I think we should all be treated equally and with the same standards. I’d LOVE your help on working some models around this. I’ve tried but keep ending up feeling upset and frustrated! I’m not sure if I should only work on my thoughts around this or work on my thoughts in addition to talking with them about these issues. I’m pretty sure nothing is going to change so I’m not sure that talking to them about this will help or not. While the loan situation is pretty recent, the remaining issues have been there my entire life!

Thank you so much in advance! BTW, I LOVE YOU, thank you for everything!

Sincerely, Jen A.