I am struggling with boundaries for my husband.

He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression which he takes medication. I am making emotional boundaries with him, especially if he is in a cycle of depression.

When he has a bout of depression, my thought is that he verbally picks at me and points out everything I am doing wrong. In those moments, I am not engaging and removing myself from the conversation in a compassionate way.

Another thought is that I need to figure out if he is experiencing his anxiety and depression or having a “normal” couple disagreement.

Those two seem different because if we disagree, I am willing to stay in the conversation and talk it out. How do I differentiate between his anxiety/depression vs. an opportunity to talk things out? AND does it even matter?