Hi Brooke,
When my father in law last visited our house at Xmas, he sat on the sofa the entire time with his earphones glued to his head, looking at his I Pad. He didn’t lift a finger to help and expected to be waited on hand and foot. I don’t mind so much if he is like this anywhere else but I found it difficult to deal with in our home when everyone else was pulling their weight. I became really angry and upset when he walked into the house with muddy shoes (knowing that we take our shoes off) and was rude to me when I asked him to take his shoes off. He is due to visit in a couple of weeks and I am unsure of what to do if he behaves like this again.

I have written up the following models
Unintentional
C: FIL visiting
T: He was such an asshole last time he was here
F: Angry
A :Decide not to say anything because I don’t want to ruin relationship with him and our children
R: Seethe inwardly and not want him to visit again

Intentional model
C: FIL visiting
T: He is entitled to behave however he likes. I have no control over his behaviour (But does this become a boundary issue if this is occuring in our home?)
F: Neutral
A :Ask him to help out a bit more with no expectations, calmly ask him not to speak to me like that if he is rude
R: Accept him for who he is

I am confused as to whether this is a boundary issue, part of me thinks it might be easier just not invite him to our home and just visit him but I also do not want to jeopardise my children’s relationship with him or my MIL who I adore.