Boyfriend being unfriendly and I am not myself anymore.

Hello Coaches,

I have a problem with my relationship to my boyfriend of 8 years.

In the last months he has become more and more unsatisfied with his job. He works in a company and they are changing a lot of things (new teams, new “agile working structures” that in fact cause more paperwork than before etc.).

I think this is the main reason why he is so stressed and moody. I catch myself being afraid every day that he comes home from work in a bad mood. That he might say mean things to me, criticising me for everything, basically being unfriendly the rest of the evening.

I also catch myself quite often to be thinking, what can I say and do that doesn’t upset him… what should I do or not do, that could have a “negative effect on his mood”. I am holding myself back and am not my true self because I am afraid of his reaction.

My models on this are:

C: relationship with boyfriend
T: he is mean and treats me bad
F: hurt, sad, not seen
A: not being myself, withdrawing myself from him and our relationship
R: Distance and no true communication

C: relationship with boyfriend
T: ? his working situation is hard, it’s not easy for him,
F: ? Unaffected by his words? Feeling sorry for him
A: might ask him what’s going on – but he never wants to talk about it or at least not about his feelings and what’s going on inside of him
R: ? Still no communication?

I can’t really figure out what might be helpful for me to be thinking about this situation. Or if I should do the model differently. I hope you can help me with this.

Thanks for everything you guys do at The Life Coach School!