Today I crashed on a couch at my parents and did not take part in the planned activity.

C: Low levels of dopamine in my brain
T: I will never be happy because I make too many changes, I frequently crash, I’m apathetic and cannot meet promised obligations to myself and others
F: unhappy, giving up
A: not meeting up
R: no progress.

I tried today to change my thought by setting up the above model in my mind (I did not have access to paper, or that is I could not move out of the couch I was laying in). I did so by saying, if I move out of bed and take part in family activity, I will start feel better.

Spoiler-alert, I stayed in bed.

I think a better thought would be:
C: I have extremely low levels of dopamine in my brain that causes me to be unresponsive and indecisive
T: I love myself, and out of self-love I get up
F: Feel loved
A: I get up
R: I feel better because I actively did something to feel better and I get the opportunity to praise my efforts.

In my state of mind, I could not muster the right thought.

I’ve thought a lot that my thoughts are causing these extreme lows in mood.
My mom thinks that I am only trying to draw attention to myself and that there is no such thing as depression.
It is true that I can hype myself if I am feeling bad, but when I stop cheering myself the negative thoughts start to pour in.

I am focused on sleep, exercise, rest, food and meditation.
Yesterday I did all the right things: eat well, rested well, met up with friends, exercised.

Still, this morning I woke up 2 hours later than I normally would and felt absolutely no desire to start my day.
I’m very aware of what this feeling means (that I would have a shit-day). I did my yoga and meditation and still I was feeling like shit. I told myself that this is the “50/50” principle. My only thought was – what a shitty 50/50 I have…

Maybe my mom is right that I only think about myself.