I likely have breast cancer but am currently waiting for more tests and results to know for certain. I’ve realized that regardless of what happens, I get to decide how – who – I want to be through all of this and that I want to be a support to the people around me. After all, they are likely just as shocked and worried and concerned as I am. This realization has been AMAZING and 100% due to SCS. Also, even though I am a very stubborn, independent and private person, I have let a very small group of women “in” AND given them each individual “assignments” – ways that they can help me. Again, AMAZING and 100% due to SCS. That’s the good news.
The parts I’m struggling with are two fold:
1. I’m in my 7th month of SCS with my main goal being to lose weight. I know that I am emotionally stronger than I used to be but how in the world do I get through this without comfort food? I mean, not only do I want it for myself, but I’m already finding the few people I’ve told are already offering me comfort food as well. I’ve lost 40 pounds and still have 60 to go. Do I keep my impossible 2018 commitment to reach my weight loss goal no matter what? Or do I give myself a break or rewrite my goal to adjust to this unexpected new circumstance? I’m okay with maintaining for a while. But I am NOT okay with gaining – and yet I’ve already gained back 5 pounds in the form of cookie comfort. I’m unsure how to manage all this.
2. How in THE world do I handle all the waiting!?? Everyone says it’s the worst part and I know that it is. Not only because I have to wait but my mind has been racing with different scenarios and possibilities. So far, I’ve been coaching myself through reading and researching and trying to maintain my daily schedule as much as possible. Distractions – as long as they aren’t cookies – have also been helpful. I know I can handle whatever I need to. I just really really want to know what the whatever is that I need to handle. I can do hard. I feel myself preparing to fight. It’s the unknown that’s driving me bonkers.
Thanks so much,
Lydia
