Man o man, am I really feeling it.
I’m pretty close to being done with creating my 6 week weight loss program and so many things are coming up for me.
So, the goal is to quit my job in February.
That effing scares me. I know it’s something I’ve gotta do.
In the past, I wanted to quit for unhappy reasons. I hated my job and the people.
Now, I’m in a much better place. I work in security on graveyard.
So it’s rather simple and makes making money so easy.
I’ve gotten comfortable. Things are good here.
But I want more than just this easy job. I want to do more, make more money and have an impact in this world.
Now I know, moving on from here means I have to get out of my comfort zone and grow.
But I feel such scarcity.
I’ve used all my savings to sign up for the Feb Masterclass. This really brings up so many negative thoughts. Not the class but not having that money to back me up with no job.
Once I’ve finished creating my program, I’m going to go out and look for clients.
But I’m so damn scared.
I’ve found myself buffering a lot lately.
Which is setting me back.
Things that come up
– I’ll have no money when I quit
– I don’t know what I’m going to do
– I’m not an expert
– This isn’t possible for me
– Maybe I’ll just stay at my job
– I’m not even a good example
– What if it doesn’t work out
– it’s so much work
– I won’t be able to get enough clients
Now I’ve done models and I can see how these thoughts don’t help me.
I’ve looked at new thoughts that might help me and can see how those would produce different results.
But there’s so much doubt behind everything.
My actions are all fueled from a place of lack.
I also judge myself for not doing more. I think about other people who can build businesses with a full time job and kids.
And here I am with no kids or outside commitments and an easy graveyard job.
I definitely don’t give myself enough credit.
I want to use these type of stories to fuel positive energy in me but I just find myself beating myself up.
Like I just can’t get this shit together.
It’s weird, because I know there’s a part of me that can move past all this and make it possible for me too.
But I also believe that these “success stories” don’t include me.
It’s like I’m seeing myself take a step into growth then take a step back into safety.
And that safety feels terrible anyway.
So I don’t understand why I want to stay here so bad.
I get a bit of momentum then it stalls.
I switch back from emotional childhood and adulthood all through out the day.
What am I not understanding or doing that’s not letting move forward?
If I had to guess, it’s that I’m still not allowing the emotions to be there.
I’ve not made friends with them yet.
But I’d like to know what your thoughts are.