I invested in a matchmaker service a little over 3 weeks ago. On our initial call, my assigned matchmaker, A, told me that it may take 4-6 weeks before I get my first match.

On Sunday I got a text from the service telling me that another matchmaker from the company, L, had a match for me and scheduled a call for next week to discuss him. I really got my hopes up that I was going to have my first date sooner than anticipated.

Then, this afternoon I got an email telling me that L cancelled the call and the reason was “Your Matchmaker decided not to move forward with the match.”

Then, later this afternoon, I received a text from A updating me on the screening process and telling me “Thus far no suitable gentlemen have been screened.” She said she had more screening calls with potential matches over the next few weeks and would update me.

TD: I am trying to be careful with my thoughts because feeling frustrated, discouraged or helpless is not going to get me near my desired result.

A said it would take 4-6 weeks and it’s only been three. But I think the second matchmaker L scheduling and then cancelling the call about the potential match plus my original matchmaker A saying what she said has put me in a bad mood. If neither of those things had happened, I would still be anticipating my first match a few weeks from now.

I know it doesn’t make sense to put all my eggs in one basket. But maybe I was naïve to think this increased my chances of finding high quality men just because I spent a lot of money. Maybe it means I have to go back to the apps. I fucking hate the apps. This means I have to do thought work on the fucking apps.

C: L cancels match call. A texts “Thus far no suitable gentlemen have been screened.”
T: There are no suitable gentlemen left.
F: Frustration
A: Ruminate about all of the evidence that there are no good men left. Ruminate about statistics about how hard it is for black women to find suitable matches.
R: My thoughts aren’t suitable

T: I’m not sure what else to do if this doesn’t work.
F: confusion
A: Limit my search for a partner to only this avenue. Decide that if it doesn’t happen with this matchmaker it’ll never happen. Don’t manage my mind to think of other ways to find a partner.
R: I don’t do the work

T: I don’t want to fucking go back to the apps.
F: Helpless
A: Think back to every last terrible experience I’ve had using apps. Stay in emotional childhood.
R: I keep my thought that the apps are the worst and cut off the ability to meet a partner.

*Sigh* Please coach me. This isn’t even a real setback. Literally nothing really happened, yet I’m catastrophizing.