I know I’m new to Self Coaching Scholars and it’s only day 2 but I have a question on the thought downloads and how to then change the thoughts when we say goodbye to them. The circumstances I’m thinking of won’t change so saying goodbye to the thoughts doesn’t seem to make it ok until I get positive thoughts to replace them. I’ve done my thought download and even though the facts are straight forward I’m more angry than ever at the situation I wrote about!
Mt situation is as follows : My mother in law is staying. I struggle when she is here. She is lazy and only thinks about herself and is oblivious when help is needed. I shopped for groceries, cooked dinner, cleared everything away while my husband tidied the house and we both put the kids to bed while she watched tv and played on her iPad at the same time without even considering helping. I get that it’s her right to do that and SHE is happy and having a great visit and I am the only one having a bad time because of my thoughts.
I tried this model:
T : I’m fed up of doing everything and clearing up after her while she does nothing to help. I think she over eats and doesn’t exercise and sits playing her iPad all day but then she complains about being overweight. I think it’s unfair she says she can’t walk very far because of it so says she can’t play with my son. But she can walk around the shops with him for hours buying clothes for herself while my son waits in change-rooms which I feel isn’t the sort of time my son would want to be spending with his grandmother
F : anger, resentment and frustration
A :I start to bash pans around and can’t be in the same room and can’t bring myself to talk to her. I make comments when she’s eating and she’s talking about being healthy that a different diet might be helpful but feel I’m being critical which I don’t like the feel of.
R : I miss being in the lounge in the evenings as I can’t sit and watch her playing candy crush and eating junk food when there’s stuff to do. It’s my husband and I that end up frustrated with each other as he doesn’t see why I get so angry and resentful. Or he gets cross at it too on my behalf if I tell him why I am frustrated. So while she’s having a great time my husband and I are on edge in our relationship over it. Which I then get more angry about!!!!
Also I tried just looking at the facts:
She likes to eat.
She likes to relax and enjoy her time and play the iPad.
She likes to put her needs first
Her priorities when she is minding my son are that she would rather shop with him than visit a playground
Put into facts it sounds reasonable (ish!) so I know it’s my thoughts about the facts that are making it a problem.
But the facts and circumstances won’t change. She comes to help look after my son for school holidays so I know I should be thankful.
So how can I be in the same situation but change my thoughts about it so I can handle it?
Thanks so much!