CHF: terminal, incurable illness is a neutral circumstance

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in 2009. I have been fearful about my future, resulting in taking fewer risks and approaching life from place of scarcity in many ways. On the surface my life is awesome. I’m a successful lawyer with my own practice, work from home, have friends, great new husband, three children, good standard of living/savings, etc.

Re listening to coaching calls, I realize I’ve been trying to think more positive thoughts about having heart failure (and being diagnosed–in some ways fortunate because could have gone undetected for many years and am responding well to treatment) without believing that having heart failure is a neutral circumstance.

At this point it is an intellectual exercise. All illness, deaths, molestations, abuse, tragedies are a neutral circumstance. They are not painful or fear inducing until we have a thought about them. Understood. I’ve done lots of Byron Katie work and completely understand that the cause of all suffering is thoughts.

I am not sure how to move forward here.

C: I have and was diagnosed with heart failure.
T: my future is limited, different, negative because there is no cure and its degenerative.
F: fear
A: indulge in anxiety and self-pity, buffer with work, prioritize earning money because may have to stop working before retirement age and may need money for transplant/care.
R: not spend time exercising, eating as well as I could, relaxing, enjoying self and relationships

C: heart failure
T: I’m a healthy badass mom, lawyer, wife, friend who prioritizes health and relationships
F: secure, confident, proactive, peaceful
A: exercise, eat healthy, enjoy self and others daily
R: quality life, high energy, love

I don’t really believe the second model in my soul. I want to. I want to feel secure. Can you help?

Also, as a VIP, can you put live coaching calls on a Zip drive?