I have chronic pelvic pain due to recovery from colon cancer (cancer-free for over two years) I can not eat in front of anyone and struggle with pain flair-ups through out my day that are impossible to hide if I’m talking to someone. I mostly stay at home or don’t eat until night if I am going to be around people. I’m struggling after 2 1/2 years of this with my relationship with my husband. I want him to be with me when he is not working but feel guilty that I want him to isolate himself to be with me. My model is below.
C- I have illness that keeps me isolated
T – I’m hurt when husband lives life without me other than work
F- abandoned, unloved, guilty
A- I build resentment and act in anger in conversations with husband
R- Feel more unloved and abandon because I withdraw
I know there are several issues going on in the model and it needs cleaned up or separated. I can’t find a bridge thought because I don’t know when the pain will end. I hope someday I will be healed but I must live life as it is now and I want to stop feeling angry at the people close to me for being pain-free and living a “normal” life.
Any suggestions on fixing this model and creating new ones to run through would be appreciated.