Following up on the feedback I got here (which was super helpful -thanks!!!). Putting the reply in quotes and then my responses afterwards.
“An adjustment is needed on your unintentional model. Check out the new R line below.

C- husband smokes cigars.

T- I can’t show him how much it upsets me.

F- scared.

A- talk to self to clam down, but never say anything to him at all. He doesn’t know I am upset or even concerned about his smoking.

R- I can’t show myself how much it upsets me.

See how you are hiding from yourself by not allowing yourself to feel the way you do?” – I am not sure I understand this. Can you expand on this?

“You’re upset because of what you are making the cigar smoking mean”. Yes. To me it means that I won’t have his support – either because he is harming his health by smoking and may die sooner because of it and/or because he isn’t mentally healthy enough to support me. I am afraid of losing him. And a part of me is afraid I already have.

“Come back here after you do a thought download on why it’s a problem if he copes with stress and loneliness by smoking and we’ll continue unraveling this together.” It is a problem because that isn’t a healthy way to cope. He will get worse. His brain will literally get addicted and then it will be even harder to stop. I have watched this go from one cigar every few years (not a problem), to a few times a year (still fine), to multiple times a week (no longer safe). He is in a culture that I despise, I think the tobacco companies are evil and he is being weak and manipulated by them. It has become part of his identity. How do I deal with a part of his identity being so closely tied to something that disgusts me? I have discussed my concerns with him in the past and he has decreased his cigar smoking some and also hides it more I think. I feel like I have said everything useful I have to say and now the best thing for me, him and our relationship is for me to just be quiet, especially with the hiding. But what if I am wrong? This is too much on me. Why is he putting me in this position? Why can’t he behave like the adult he used to behave like? I feel like I rambled on, sorry. What do I do next?